While those with lesser intellect and understanding are working their ass off to bring succour to the people of Nepal, those with super-human intelligence and in depth knowledge about almost everything in this Universe are trying to unravel the mystery behind the Nepal Earthquake — what caused it?
Few years back, an Iranian cleric,Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi blamed it all on Women not covering themselves appropriately and having extra-Marital affairs. C'mon Ladies, why you do this to Humanity? you should take a huge carton, poke two small holes for eyes and 4 bigger ones for hands and legs and Viola, no more Earthquakes! Oh, and please do not mingle with Men. I mean, c'mon, its selfish to indulge in carnal pleasures when its going to cause deaths of thousands of innocent people. Right? Extra-marital affairs are wrong, we all will agree to that, but when they start causing Earthquakes — hey, you better keep your chastity belts on. Wait! Here's a trick — do not marry! You see, its Extra-Marital affairs that cause Calamities. So, technically speaking, if you aren't married, you wont be liable for any mishap! hurray !
Next, an American Pastor Tony Miano claims that God was angry with Nepalese people since they worshiped False Hindu Gods... because they indulged in idolatry. He suggested that they should convert and not rebuild their 'Pagan shrines'. — wow! that is maybe the simplest way to avoid Earthquakes, especially when a country belongs to Seismic zone 5! Look at the love in the hearts of the missionaries waiting to pour out for these poor souls - they've been talking about saving their souls from eternal damnation on Twitter. Someone even sent more than 1,00,000 Gideon Bibles to Nepal, so that the 'Heathens' can be saved! Praise the Lord! Joy to the world...yippie ki yay!
When enlightened members belonging to the two of major world religions revealed such astonishing FACTS, how can the Saffron brigade stay behind? Thus spoke Sakshi Maharaj and Sadhvi Prachi — The Earthquake was caused because the Gods were miffed since one calamity (Rahul Gandhi) entered the holy shrine without proper purification i.e. taking a dip in river Gangaa. He needed purification since he eats Beef. Wait what? Beef? Can this sin be washed by Gangaa jee? That's a revelation in itself! So, all you Beef-eating-Rascals, move you overweight lazy ass and take a dip in Gangaa jee. Can't you do even this much to save thousands of innocent lives that may be lost in future earthquakes? Now is not the time to be lazy, you selfish oafs! Jai ho!
Ah well, the write up is becoming too long and I'm a bit scared to peeve the religious lot any further, otherwise there's a lot to talk about... like Ban on 'Nanak Shah Fakir', false reports on Church Vandalism, Alia Bhatt, Kim Kardashian and what not. (which is ofcourse irrelevant.) So lets conclude that these are the three most effective ways of avoiding occurrence of Earthquakes — Take a dip in river Gangaa, convert to Christianity and make women wear human size Cartons with holes and Chastity belts. Please let me know in comments if I've missed out on any other precautionary measures, because, hey, Precaution is better than cure!
PS: The bottom line is, as Einstein once said — "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."— just like Terrorism has no religion, we have now enough evidence to conclude that Stupidity too has no religion!
Oh, and please tell my Family & Friends that I love them, in case you know... ;)
PPS: इस आलेख का हिंदी संस्करण भी एक-दो दिनों के अंतराल में आ जायेगा।